Still Alive

So, yes, it has been indeed awhile. I have had the awesome opportunity to work up at camp for another summer as ropes director, and even though at first glance I was terrified of my position, it has proven itself worthy of making me a stronger person and teaching me how to rely and trust that God won't fail me. I made my focus word for the summer "trust", just because I have always had an issue trusting others and more specifically trusting God, and knowing that He'll take care of me when it's out of my control.
We have been 100% safe this summer, and are looking good for the next two weeks ahead. God has blessed me with an amazing staff who care about details as much as I do. He is indeed taking care of me and has my back.
I was thinking about this whole trust thing with God, and came to the conclusion that there is no reason whatsoever that we need to fear He won't have our backs. We know that God is good, so why do we have such a problem trusting Him? Because we think something bad is going to happen? It doesn't work. And if we know that God loves us, why don't we trust Him to take care of us? Remembering these things have really helped me with this summer and with my unknown future. I hope they help you too. 1 Peter 4:19 Pin It

Anxieties

I have such a hard time knowing how loved and liked I am. I don't have a clue why this is or how to change it, but the little criticisms seem to over-rule the positive things that enter my consciousness. When the only thing someone says to me is a criticism or blame, I hurt.
I'm so scared I'm going to fail, and crash and burn and prove correct what I keep thinking everyone else is thinking. I always feel like I don't do enough, or that I could always do better, which is true to an extent, but when I feel like I have to keep going, just to show someone that I'm NOT weak, and I'm NOT ignorant, I eventually feel like I may just fall down and die of exhaustion.
I hate getting "yelled" at. I have the hardest time handling that feeling of stupidity or feeling like I lack that skill or intelligence, especially when the person standing right next to me is good in everything. I can't compete with the all-around people. When I fail and they prevail I feel pointless. I like prevailing together.
Being sensitive really stinks sometimes. On one hand I notice things quicker, and pick up on moods almost instantly. I have a keen eye for detail and can remember things well, but on the other hand I can't handle rejection. I can't know that someone dislikes me or it shatters me. If I feel like I'm in the way or a pain, I ditch the scenario completely. I would rather go unnoticed than to be there and in the way. I sound really self-absorbed right now, and I really don't like that either.
Why must everything be perfect? If I try, isn't that enough? I hate when people underestimate me, because it really makes me rain on myself. I'm really struggling with these things right now. Pin It

My Journey

Wow. What a journey I have been through in the last month and a half!
I went to Chicago for a couple of days to visit with friends and have some fun. I got to see more of Chicago, including the Millennium Park and more of the city.
Two days later, I turned back around to head to the Dominican Republic. I didn't anticipate getting much out of the trip, but I did. God still teaches me things and He still makes me grow in ways I never imagined I could.
While there, we renovated a house for a man named Pedro and his two sons. His house was unlivable and his family was forced to move 20 miles away and in an unfavorable spot. You literally have to cross a river to get to his house. We put in a floor, painted the outside, put in electricity, a bed, and walls.
We also began the kitchen project in putting in giant pipes for sewage, building up a wall around the campus and putting in a gate. It wasn't much of a start, but it was a start.
It was amazing to see how God had worked in my life as a result of the trip. The last year has felt so dead to me and everything was so dull. I wasn't passionate for the things I used to have fervor for and I could care less about the beauty around me. God really opened my eyes to see Him and is amazing light again. I can't wait to return. Pin It

3 Days!!!

Yep, that's right. 3 days until we start making our way to the Dominican Republic. It's hard to believe that the year, months, weeks and days have gone by so quickly. God has truly done some amazing work in our team and in providing for us all along the way. We have made our team's total funds and so much more in order for us to send more funds down for donations and building products for the kitchen.
We simply ask for your prayers as we are heading there, while there, and as we return home in the end as we work to adjust back to life. Pray for safety, traveling mercies and team growth, not only as a team, but as individuals too.
Keep updated with this site! We'll do our best to keep you updated with stories and pictures daily as we're down there. Pin It

Anticipation

For the past couple nights I've tossed and turned, thinking and anticipating. I will be on a plane, bound for the Dominican Republic in exactly a week! I can't believe where the time has gone. I remember when I started the official countdown at like 70 days, and that didn't seem that far away from today. My tossing and turning was mostly out of excitement, but I can't lie, there was some apprehension in there as well. I'm so excited to be there and serving in a way that is extraordinary and amazing. I'm apprehensive about little things, like spiders and health issues, I guess. Things I know that are in God's control and that He can take care of.
I'm also going to Chicago this weekend, which brings a whole new package of excitement and nervousness. I'm so excited to see friends and hang out with people I haven't been around in awhile, but also nervous that I'm missing our last Dominican meeting and the send off on Sunday. Chicago has always made me a little nervous, just because I'm a sensitive person and walking down the streets there sometimes scare me to death. I love to visit, but I never could live there.
These two trip, I'm sure will bring a great time of fellowship and growth though. Dominican will grow me in ways I can't even anticipate now. I always come home changed, new and refreshed though. God has amazing plans for me and the rest of my team! Pin It

Can't Live Without Him

Today there were so many times I saw the denial of God and His existence by others around me. Or even if they knew He existed, some people just don't want to get into that relationship or fully put faith in Him. I felt my heart sink at least twice tonight just reading statuses on facebook or simply having conversation with people.
I have such a hard time grasping the fact that it is possible to not put faith in God and that many people do it. My life has felt like nothing but jumping off of cliffs and knowing He will catch me on the way down. I have no other reason or person to give credit to catching me in those times of taking a leap of faith.
I think it's a bad thing that I was taken aback by this today, but realized that I knew it occurred all the time and everywhere, however I simply didn't get the same, powerful reaction from myself everytime I encountered a situation like someone not into Christ. Do I really only surround myself with ONLY Christians? I hope not.
But my heart broke a little bit today. Even more so than when I realize a guy I like isn't into me(...which has happened three times this year already...)
I simply don't know how people without faith in Christ do it. I think Christ is there anyway, but the recognition isn't.

I'm inspired by words of Lecrae:
Go Hard
Go hard or go home
Lord, use me up...

Lord kill me If I don't preach the gospel
I'm still in my 20's- but I'll die if I got to
Already dead- so forget my flesh
I done been crossed over see the full court press
I'm a full court mess if the Lord don't use me
Running from my trials thinking everythingss groovy
If the Cross don't move me then I don't wanna breath no more
If I ain't seeing Christ potna I don't wanna see no more
Rep every day with out worrying about bruising
I been to China man, I seen some real persecution
If you didn't know Him would your life look the same
Can they tell you value Jesus by the way you rep his name?
Man what's the point of living if I'm living for myself
Lord empty out my life before I put you on the shelf
So for God I got Hard I don't want to die tonight
It's too many people living who ain't heard about my Christ

Go Hard or Go Home
Lord Use Me Up...

Went to Asia had to duck and hide-for sharing my faith
They tell me water it down when I get back to states
They say tone the music down you might sell a lot a records
But it's people out here dying and none of them heard the message
Took my wife on mission trip - Central America
Shared her testimony 40 people stood and stared at her
When she said Jesus should of seen it was insane
'Cause 40 out of 40 never heard of Jesus name
Aw man we ain't focused on the war we just kickin it
Worried about our image and our space up on the internet
Take me out the game coach
I don't wanna play no more
If cant give it all I got and leave it out there on the court
Thank you for the Grace for the will and the desire
Got me living for your glory stead of living to retire
But I pray I'll never tire of Going hard for Messiah
I don't need no motivation You the reason I'm inspired.

That mean that we, should be out up in ok streets
Not just in houses with our bible's summarizing what we read
Man this ain't deep (man this aint deep)
Why we ain't doing what we read
Its like we sleep (its like we sleep)
But sinners sleepwalk when they sleep
So why can't we (so why can't we)
The redeemed of the LORD
Act out, what He said
And make a scene for the LORD
Action-cut, say what, like we was the director
But you better get a Grip like movie sets, and get to stepping
I know you done it
Done-and heard it all
You was going hard for the Lord before you heard this song
But don't play yourself to save ya self
And walk in fear
Scripture's like a mirror
The truth is closer than it appears... Pin It

Individuality vs. Identity

One of my challenges for the week is to figure out exactly what the contrast is between individuality and identity. After much research and brain-picking, I think I may have the answer...
Identity is "sameness". Our identity is what places us in an organized "category" if you will. For example, there are women, men, students, adults, parents, kids, etc. Their characteristics and traits make them who they are and place them in that group. Women are all the same for many of the same reasons.
Individuality is "oneness". Even though I'm a woman, I'm not the same exact woman as another woman out there. Everyone is different from everyone else in some way or many ways. Even though I'm in the category of a woman, I'm shy, I'm taller than most, I have a fear of spiders and clowns...those things make me who I am. They are the categories that go beyond the main category. Since this is for my term paper based off of A Thousand Splendid Suns by Hosseini, I figure forming an example from that would be more ideal.
Laila is an Afghan woman. Her characteristics make her this way, thus this is the category she is in. However, Laila was raised to be independent and stand up for herself, unlike many of the women from her city. Her strength makes her individualized or different from many of the other women of Afghanistan.
I think you need identiy to have individuality. Identity is the canvas of a painting, and the paint you put on it and the way you do it is the individuality.
I'm not sure how much sense this makes, but I'm hoping it makes sense in my paper. If anyone else has another way of putting it, I'd appreciate the thoughts and feedback... Pin It